The White House has decided that it was time for America to learn about Vice President Pence’s softer side—his passion for animals. “Of course we care about the environment! Of course we do! Have you met Mike Pence’s Pets?” said an angry Donald Trump after he threw his face mask at reporters while answering questions about his environmental policy during a press conference Wednesday morning. The media was abuzz with speculation. What sort of an animal would a devout christian like Mike Pence care for in the privacy of his home? While the general consensus was that most mammals would not make the Vice President’s cut since they masturbate and have gay sex, Fox News anchor Chris Tucker declared that: “Christian values that make it not okay to have gay sex or get gay married only concern humans and aliens. Besides have you ever heard of a giraffe getting an abortion?”
During his heated debate with Senator Kamala Harris, just after he declared that: “America had the cleanest air, the purest water, and that everybody’s climate has always been changing,” Vice President Pence shocked the nation on live Television when he refused to formally introduce his pet fly. The fly, who’s name has been withheld for privacy concerns, zipped quickly through Pence’s short grey hair and spent an astonishing several minutes playing dead on the Vice President’s head. It was the first time America witnessed a well trained fly act so naturally on live television. CNN has stated that the fly was the real winner of the Vice Presidential debate because it showed the strength and resilience to withstand all the toxicity that crept through an old white man’s receding hairline.