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Thursday, October 22, 2020

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President Trump Considers Chinese Food Ban

After the humiliation over Tik Tok, sources close to the White House say that President Trump is strongly considering a ban of Chinese food in America. Early Tuesday morning, White House staff lead by Kellyanne Conway were busy searching through the bushes of the South Lawn for the president’s missing gold golf clubs and were loudly gossiping about what could be the death of Chinese takeout food in America. When a reporter from The Literati posed the question directly to Trump on Twitter, this was his response:

“Do I think all Chinese food is bad? Bad for Americans? No Way, that’s racist, and I’m the least racist person you will find anywhere. If you don’t believe me, ask the Blacks. Just to set the record straight. People keep asking me about Black Lives Matter. I’m like WHAT A STUPID QUESTION FROM FAKE NEWS??? Black people are people too. They deserve to live and die just like the rest of us. But China made the plague and they gotta pay right? We tried tariffs. They gave us Kung Flu. No more Chinese food, no more lead noodles and rat pie, Okay? I’m sorry I was being sarcastic, I gotta say so, because nobody understands a joke anymore. Personally I love Moo Shoo, I only like Moo Shoo, because everything else is spicy, and Donald, you know is not as young as he used to be, I mean, I can still run very fast to any bathroom, and I but I bet I can handle more spice than you or anybody else, but I gotta say no, because these are difficult times. No More Moo Shoo, No More Egg Foo Young, No More General Tsao’s who was not a real general, but I bet you didn’t know that because nobody has done more for the military than I have. “

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