Humor

HOW THE UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE IMPROVISED A COMEDY EMPIRE

HOW THE UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE IMPROVISED A COMEDY EMPIRE

Courtney “Coco” Mault

I thought that I had reached an age at which I could opt out of embarrassing myself in public, but last year, of my own free will, I did something mortifying. I took a series of eight improvisational-comedy classes with the Upright Citizens Brigade, which has, in the past two decades, developed into an empire with a cultural reach rivalling that of Deepak Chopra, say, or Kanye West. One Sunday morning, dressed to aerobicize (“You should be prepared to move around, lay on the ground and stretch in various positions,” an e-mail from U.C.B. advised), I arrived at an office building on Eighth Avenue and Thirty-seventh Street, and psyched myself up to learn how

Read the full article by Emma Allen here

Jeb Bush Announces Major Campaign Overhaul New Strategy to Include Kissing

Jeb Bush Announces Major Campaign Overhaul New Strategy to Include Kissing

Before it can completely stop, Jeb Bush jumps out of his Suburban.

His convoy screeches to a halt and his aides remain seated, pale with alarm.

For America, they do not panic but chant instead:

“Sir please be careful! Sir please be careful! Sir please be careful!”

The ceremony continues until Jeb is done chasing all the air he can and finds his step. Chants of millennial hope can work like magic.

 

Unfazed, Jeb mumbles, “America needs a real risk taker.”

This was just loud enough so he can hear himself talk to his collarbone.

Nobody running for president has ever spoken so softly after escaping death so miraculously. Like vultures, reporters encircle him.

 

“Sir what if you had hurt yourself? Would you have suspended your campaign?”

“Isn’t it time to call it quits? Can you keep raising money?”

“If you quit the race, will you endorse Trump?”

 

Jeb would have his face hit the asphalt, split his ankles, and die with his foot in his mouth before endorsing Trump. He waves his hand like he is on cue, gathers his breath, places his hands firmly on his hips so he can’t jump anymore.

 

Careful so his nose doesn’t poke into any microphone, Jeb leans into a camera and declares to the American people:

“ I can’t help myself if I have so much Energy! I am always ready to serve, and to fight for this country, and gosh if I seem a little too eager to do my job, forgive me. God bless America, Really! ”

 

Jeb tells the truth, a lot of it. When he misses working out at the gym, and can’t bench press to episodes of Supergirl, he drinks seven cups of Cinderella Lattes.  Each one is 28 ounces of steamed milk, seventeen teaspoons of cane sugar and one tiny unroasted, uncrushed espresso bean. Even when he is on the road, Jeb waits for the espresso bean to hit rock bottom in his cup, before gulping it all in one long shot. Sometimes when the warm milk floods his nostrils, Jeb gets jittery and plays with car locks and door handles because he can’t help himself.

 

Jeb clears away from the reporters and speeds towards a wheelchair bound octogenarian. His aides struggle to keep up.

Jeb can be very persuasive as he struggles to establish eye contact.

“Ma’am can I ask you who you’re gonna vote for?”

“ I haven’t decided yet.”

Jeb  wants to hug this disabled grandmother.

“Would you vote for me? Please?”

“No!”

“Would you change your mind if I gave you a kiss?”

“Lord No!”

Jeb Bush does not chase the wheelchair as it throttles away in full speed.

An angry crowd quickly yells: “Stop trying to kiss us Jeb!”

It’s a field day for reporters.

“Jeb don’t you think kissing for votes is too aggressive?”

Jeb smiles and calmly refutes the liberal media.

“No, Not at all and I can give you two reasons why. Ready? Okay here we go! Number one, my warm kisses are harmless and I can blow them out of my Hispanic mouth without fear, because they are not the kissey kissey kind that Trump and Cruz keep scaring you with. Number two, these kisses are soft because I am no blowhard. Ask my brother, he’ll tell you.”

It’s time for another Cinderella Latte.

 

When Boxing Rivals End up as Lovers

When Boxing Rivals End up as Lovers

 

 

Claudius and Andre, played by Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele are supposed to be holding a press conference for their upcoming boxing match. What starts off as the usual  tiff quickly escalates into a one sided lust conquest. Claudius wants to fight, but all Andre wants to do is ‘fuck him in the ass.’ As far as this activity goes, Andre wants to make this his mission, and has absolutely nothing to say about how he will defeat his opponent. Andre wants to fuck Claudius in the ass throughout their lives as a couple, and will not slow down in old age or death and has no real interest in boxing.

Louis C.K. Reads the Gettysburg Address with Jerry Seinfeld

Louis C.K. Reads the Gettysburg Address with Jerry Seinfeld

Louis C.K. tries hard to keep the chuckles under control as reads the Gettysburg Address in this video. To help him, by his side is Jerry Seinfeld. Jokes aside, they both succeed to read seriously. Most of the credit goes to Louis C.K. as he his supported in earnest by Mr. Seinfeld. When the faces of these comedians  first flash on the screen, we wonder if this piece is going to be a parody or a satire of the Gettysburg Address.  Readers should decide what they think……

 

NYPD Unleashes Controversial Stop And Kiss Program – Watch Video

 

NYPD Unleashes Controversial Stop And Kiss Program - Watch Video

The NYPD is tired of just being New York’s finest. Instead it would like to be the nation’s most fabulous police force. Hopefully, this will happen very soon as it replaces it’s much despised stop and frisk program with a more humane approach of stopping and kissing criminal suspects. The NYPD insists that this program is not racially motivated and that it will be conducted mostly in high crime areas. Please remember that if you are stopped and kissed by the police in New York, you have the right to remain silent and enjoy the affection bestowed upon you by  an officer of the law. God Bless America.

Best and Worst Ice Bucket Challenge Videos

Best and Worst Ice Bucket Challenge Videos

There seems to be no end to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge videos. It was an online campaign to generate awareness about ALS disease which stands for Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis. Otherwise known as Louis Gehrig’s disease, it is a neurodegenerative disorder that deteriorates nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord. Patients who suffer from ALS gradually lose control over their muscles and end up completely paralyzed before death.

The Ice Bucket Challenge has so far generated $22.9 million in charitable contributions to the ALS association While there is a litany of the whose who of celebrities who have taken this challenge, one contributor who stands out for his candid humor is President George Bush: 

 

This is a hilarious compilation video of the best Ice Bucket Challenge failures:

Morgan Freeman and Jimmy Fallon Inhale Helium!

Morgan Freeman and Jimmy Fallon Inhale Helium!

 

When this picture from a billboard in India that mistook Morgan Freeman for Nelson Mandela, had gone viral on the internet, people from all over the world did not hesitate to laugh. In our opinion, it was a funny and honest gaffe. However, it would have been nice to have read about this private citizen who spent his money to commission this billboard. Behind the humor was a message, that was universal.  Nelson Mandela had passed away, and left behind a legacy that could be equated with that of Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, and Mother Teresa. Despite what historians will tell us about these people, they continue to be a great source of inspiration for many. Recently, this picture was the funniest thing we had associated Morgan Freeman with until this video, where as a guest on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, they inhale Helium  and have a conversation.

 

 

Homer Simpson’s Spectacularly Awful Car Design Was Ahead Of Its Time

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Alexander George for Wired magazine recounts an amazing The Simpsons episode from 1991, where Homer Simpson discovers  his half-brother, Herb Powell who is an automobile manufacturer based in Detroit. Powell  decides to give his ‘average schmo’ long lost brother a chance to design a car. The result is a complete disaster and the new car drives Powell out of business.  

What were some of the futuristic designs that Homer Simpson came up with? Some of them include sound proof interiors with restraining muzzles for children, and an engine so loud it would make people think the world was coming to an end. 

 

Homer Simpson once designed a spectacularly bad car…or was it just ahead of its time?

 

Read More about Homer Simpson’s spectacularly poorly designed car for the future



Will Ferrell and Chad Smith Face Each Other in a Doppelganger Drum Off

 

 

Will Ferrell and Chad Smith in a Doppelganger Drum OffWill Ferrell and Chad Smith in a Doppelganger Drum Off

 

 

Will Ferrel fans who are fans of the Red Hot Chilly Peppers and could stay up past their bedtime with a child like enthusiasm for a freak show, had a very special treat last night on the Jimmy Falon Show. In real life, the band’s ace drummer Chad Smith bears an uncanny resemblance to Will Ferrell.

 Sitting together as guests they are almost indistinguishable, except for when they speak, because their mannerisms are unfortunately not doppelganger proof.  The superstar comedian’s manner of speech is obviously more familiar to audiences around the world. However, for the first few minutes as they are seated and introduced as guests, their resemblance seems too perfect to be true. We wonder briefly, if there were special effects involved? Neither are interested in discussing this doppelganger aspect of their lives. There is only one question to be answered. Who is the better drummer? In this earnest drum duel, the humor is not compromised for musical talent and Will Ferrell has unsurprisingly put up a good show against Chad Smith. 

Aamer Rahman Explains What Reverse Racism is All About

Aamer Rahman Explains What Reverse Racism is All About

In this brilliant skit, Aamer Rahman who is an Australian comic of Bangladeshi descent, responds to those who have issues with his style of comedy and accuse him of being a ‘reverse racist.’ For the comic,these people just happen to be mostly white and he takes us all on a hilarious journey through history by jumping on a time machine. With an attempt to reverse the events that have led to the exploitation of poor nations by richer ones, Aamer Rahman deconstructs ‘reverse racism’ to be nothing more than a ‘hysterical fallacy.’

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